Back from the dead as they say although after what I’ve been through in the last 12-18 months comparing anything to being dead seems insensitive to myself and probably a whole bunch of other people.
I lay here at 2:10am writing this entry because I want to post regularly again. I need to be creative and to write again. Not just write but read and contribute to the commentary that is on social media and that is the unusual life we lead in 2019.
I have so many things to say whether they’re sane or not, make sense or not or even matter to anyone but me. So why not put them all on here and give strangers the chance to read along and judge fiercely.
As the beautifully written and sung Panic! At The Disco song goes “things have changed for me, and that’s ok.” In the last 18 months I have gone through a whole lot of changes. Mentally, physically, emotionally. More than I’d care for but it all seems necessary when you look for the bigger picture. The bigger picture is still blurry but that’s ok, I hope this year is a year for greatness and gratitude, for adventures and memories and laughing. You can’t have the good without the bad which I am quite aware of so I don’t doubt I’ll have my fair share of both.
Let all make a promise together, we (as a group) promise to create when we are happy sad mad disappointed elated disgusted triggered bright meek energised and fed up. We promise to try our best even when our best is only just holding on (or not at all) we promise to REACH OUT FOR THE HELP WE NEED and live the life we want.
Pinky promise me ok?
Until next time!
That feeling. You’ll know if you’ve felt it. When someone touches your arm or your knee or your cheek, it’s instant. Electricity, lightning, sparks, energy, fireworks. Whatever it is, do you remember when you last felt it? Do you remember who made your skin dance? Who made you weak at the knees? Who was it?
Getting over you has been like drowning when I just learnt how to swim. I got used to being able to keep myself afloat, you held me up. Then the next day, it was like you tied rocks to my feet and pushed me in. As I started to sink I saw you giving swimming lessons to someone new, someone just as unsuspecting as I had once been. As I sunk deeper and deeper I wondered how long till she started sinking too.
Hi, hey, hello! I’m sorry I’ve been a bit MIA lately, I’ve been letting the stress of life and other issues get me down. It’s not productive or positive. It’s disheartening and overwhelming. I hope you can all forgive me with late entries. My mothers anniversary of her death was on the weekend and it’s generally a hard day for me, this year was the 4th year without her. It’s not something I want to dwell on physically but mentally it drains me for a while. Lots of emotions and memories all flood back you know.
I thought I’d lighten things up with an old photograph entry because they’re always a good way to share a hobby of mine and my Twitter followers always vote highly of them in my polls. These are a mix from Adelaide, Melbourne ans Brisbane. I hope you enjoy!
Thank you for viewing this entry and I hope you’ve enjoyed these! I hope to continue to share lots of my old photographs with you all. I love capturing life and as soon as I can I’ll be taking more and uploading them for you all.
My gratefuls are:
- I’m grateful for my gut instincts. For trusting in myself. It’s a journey but I am getting there.
- I am grateful for my Dad. Although I’m not sure he fully understands what mental health issues I deal with he always finds the right words of advice to give me.
- I am grateful that my rent is paid for a fortnight and my fridge/pantry are full.
Until next time. Talk soon x
Hi, hey, hello! Today I thought I’d give you all a little life update. How have you all been? Lots of things have gone on lately but at the same time it feels like nothing is happening.
I have been working on my health of course. I’ve been exercising more and making a conscious effort to eat better/less (portion control) It’s not always easy and it’s not something I can do everyday because my motivation is fleeting. Which can be very frustrating and defeating. I always feel better after making better health choices and I think that’s what keeps me feeling motivated most days. It’s always been an uphill battle and I am willing and prepared to do the work I need to, to get up said hill. It would be cool to have a workout buddy or someone who will supportively push me, I’m definitely not one of those people who respond to yelling or negative instructions, to be perfectly honest if someone tells me I need to do something (anything) it makes me want to not do it or take as long as possible to do it! I guess I’m just stubborn in that regard (lol)
I have been feeling a bit up and down in regard to my anxiety but that’s normal for me. Good days, bad days and those weird in between days. With my mum’s death anniversary coming up it’s a struggle but I’m sure everything will be ok.
Making “grown up” choices has always been difficult for me because I overthink everything. I can’t do that because it’ll make this person feel bad or I won’t get to do this if I choose that etc It was always such a cycle of overthinking and ignoring my gut feelings. Lately I’ve been ignoring my inner critic and listening to my intuition! I know, finally right? I can’t keep justifying making choices to make other people happy and leaving myself miserable for it. I can’t sit around while people walk all over me because I’m an easy target. Feeling like a “subpar adult” isn’t something I want anymore. You know how most 20-something’s don’t feel like grown ups because there is always someone more grown up than you to fix things? I don’t want to be like that anymore. I want to take control of my life, my time, my reactions. Learning to trust myself and my gut & knowing that it’s OK to make MISTAKES because that’s how we learn in life. It’s an age old theory and my mother drilled it into me but I guess it went in one ear and out the other! I can feel myself changing, I can feel myself deciding that “not every action needs a REACTION” and that it’s ok to speak up for yourself and DEMAND respect as an equal as a human being, not a scared little half grown up who will just agree to keep the peace (lol)
I am still on the job hunt. In a town with one of the highest unemployment rates it’s very difficult but I am positive that something will come my way soon! I’d love to be able to make money blogging but that’s a bit of a goal for the future I think. I’ve been tossing up between a lot of things as far as career paths go. It’s difficult when there are a lot of ideas and you have to try and decide which is best. It just ties back into trusting my gut and trying something new.
How is everyone reading this doing? What’s been happening in your world?
My 3 gratefuls are:
- I’m grateful for my constant positive inspirations. Whether it’s a person or a song or artwork. I may not always notice them but I know they’re there. I am grateful for those things for keeping me going.
- I’m grateful for my sisters. I’m such a hard time coming up, I am so thankful that I have them to help guide me and love me.
- I’m grateful for my home, my health, fresh water, clean and warm clothes, for the money I have in my bank. I’m grateful for the material things I have. I never take these things for granted.
I hope you’re all enjoying your day/night wherever you may be. I love catching up with everyone and having a bit more of a chill entry.
Until next time, talk soon x
Hi, hey, hello! Today’s blog is about my must watch Netflix picks! This was voted by my Twitter followers. With school holidays just starting in Australia right now and many people on uni break I thought I’d compile a list of my favourite additions to the ever so addicting Netflix selection! Of course this is based of Australian Netflix but I’m sure some titles cross over to US, Europe, Canada and such.
- Billy Maddison – A 20 something rich kid has to re-do school from prep to grade 12 in order to take over the family business.
- Happy Gilmore – A failed hockey player turns golf pro with a huge drive. Motivated by money he finds just that and love.
- Skin Wars – A tv series showcasing some amazing body paint artists. RuPaul Charles is also a judge on this show.
- Orange Is The New Black – A show about women in a minimum security prison in Litchfield in the USA. You follow a variety of characters through their hectic life in prison.
- Summer Heights High – Chris Lilley plays a variety of character in this show. It is very funny and is based in a school in Australia. Highly recommend.
- Ja’mie Private School Girl – Chris Lilley again pulls from his character Ja’mie and tells the story of her final year of High School. With a lot of popularity comes a lot of drama, which he perfectly depicts in this show.
- Pretty Little Liars – drama, drama, drama! This show has enough twist and turns to keep you addicted.
- F is for Family – an Angry Dad, 2 kids and a clueless mother. What more could you want from an animated show?
- El Dorado – This has always been a favourite of mine! 2 guys on their journey to find the city of gold. Are they Gods? Watch to find out.
- The Longest Yard – Prison just got interesting with a famous football player. The warden thinks a game between guards and prisoners is a sure thing but will the guards really Come out on top?
- Hurricane Bianca – Drag Queen Superstar Bianca Del Rio stars in her quirky comedy. Amazing performance. Highly Recommend.
- Hot Girls Wanted: Turned On – This is such an eye opening documentary about the sex/porn industry, online dating etc. So interesting. Highly recommend.
- Slasher – A horror/thriller tv series about a copy cat killer that appears in town when the original killers first victim does. Her parents were killed, and she was cut out of her mothers stomach. With the murderer in prison, who is out killing now?
- Texas Killing Fields – A drama/thriller following police in a small town as they try and track down a killer. Will their personal lives suffer at the hand of this case?
- Untraceable – This movie is about cyberstalking & online murders. It is a race against the clock to find the victims before the killer broadcasts it for everyone to see.
- The Craft – A 90s classic, new school new friends. A girl finds herself making nice with a group of girls with a different energy. Will this be a burden or a prize?
- Sharknado – if you want a laugh then this is for you. These movies are over the top, outrageous and totally unbelievable. They make for a great, horrible movie choice.
- Blackfish – a documentary about the bad treatment of killer whales in Sea World USA. It will tug on ever heart string you have.
- Planet Earth – David Attenborough is EVERYTHING. Any of his docos would be a great choice.
- Zootopia – a complete animal world, with the smallest police officer determined to prove she’s got what it takes.
- Hocus Pocus – the best Halloween movie out there. It’s funny, spooky and is appropriate for the whole family. Cats, spells, candles, a book with an eye.
- The Nightmare Before Christmas – This is a movie you can watch from Halloween to Christmas and have it fill the mood. This is an animated masterpiece. Amazing soundtrack.
- The Fundamentals of Caring – a heart warming story, a big adventure. A happy ending.
- The Mist – a movie depiction of of a Stephen King novel. It is action packed! A thriller with monsters, butting heads & of course the mist.
- A Series of Unfortunate Events – This is a tv show based on the book series. NPH makes an excellent Olaf (even though Jim Carey will always be Olaf, watch the movie version of this show!) it is a dark, humorous yet series show.
There are 25 recommendations for you to binge or the holidays! Alone or with friends/family these will not disappoint. What are your favourite Netflix choices?
Until next time, talk soon x
Hi, hey, hello! Today’s entry is a quick fun one. I am listing a few of my favourite things for June! (they change always but at this moment these are it!)
At the moment, and as It has my whole life music is always present and I am loving just chucking on my headphones and zoning out! After Laughter by Paramore, Harry Styles’ self titled album, Lemonade by Beyoncé are my top 3 on rotation!
I am crazy about tea. I drink it every day and am not ashamed to say I’m addicted. My favourite is English Breakfast tea with soy milk and 2 sugars. I love to try different flavours too! I’m trying to cut back on the sugars I have but I do love a sweet tea I can’t help it.
3. The Wizard of Oz (1939)
Now if you know me, you know that this is my favourite movie. I watch it as much as I can. It’s just something about the songs and the Magic and message of it all that speaks to me. I am obsessed with anything Wizard of Oz themed! Whether it’s pjs from Peter Alexander which I unfortunately didn’t get or a musician who themed their album and stage show around it I cannot get enough! I even went as Dorothy Gale for my 21st dress up Halloween party.
Ok ok, who doesn’t love Kmart?! I recently got some new bedding from Kmart and it was so cheap – $24! I got a fitted sheet, doona cover and pillow cases. It’s not 1000 thread count Egyptian cotton etc but for someone who likes a bargain or is living on a budget it’s great. I love my new pink sheet and polka dot covers. They’re keeping me nice and warm in this cooler weather.
5. Zucchini Chips
I am 100% obsessed with the zucchini chips at Grill’d. I have always been a fan of Grill’d as I can get myself a gluten free/dairy free burger that tastes amazing and it relatively healthy. I always chose the normal potato chips which are delicious but recently I cannot get past their zucchini chips! They are so delicious and also gluten free! With their tomato relish I could eat them all damn day.
6. Fry’s Family Food Co.
I am not vegan or vegetarian, but I am trying to cut back on meat. They make awesome nuggets, burger patties etc that are vegan (and some gluten free products too) I have a friend who is vegan and she got me onto them. Normally Woolworths have a deal of 2 for $10 which is not bad in my eyes. They’re delicious! I can’t get enough.
Ok, yes I am obsessed with my cat. He is a 5 year old Maine Coon purebred. He is ginger and extremely fluffy. I’ve had him since he was 16 weeks old. He’s my little (big) baby! Maine Coons are one of the largest breeds of domestic cat you can have. He is currently small for his breed but is still larger than the average cat. He’s very vocal and wakes me up in the morning by meowing at me. He sleeps on the other side of my bed every night too. He’s not too exciting and sleeps a lot but I love him anyway.
So there’s my 7 favourite things at the moment. It was harder to think of than I thought it would be! What are some of your favourite things right now? Let me know in the comments!
My 3 gratefuls are:
1. I am grateful for the money in the bank. I am grateful that I can buy food and pay bills. Many people cannot and I am grateful that I can. I do not take it for granted.
2. I am grateful for warm clothes and blankets. It’s Winter in Australia and it’s cooling down. I am thankful for the roof over my head and the warm clothes I have to make me comfortable.
3. I am very grateful for my father. He is always there for me when I need him and always helps me when he can. I’d be in a whole different situation if it wasn’t for him and I can’t thank him enough.
What are you grateful for? Let me know!
Until next time. Talk soon x